smithsmith

THE TRUE DRUG STORIES OF JIM SIMPSON #6: Cocaine

In News, Plays, Schedule on December 3, 2012 at 7:58 PM

The following text was performed at The Flea Theater, November 15-17, as part of Serials, an episodic late night theatre event where the top three (of five) serialized stage plays return the following week. The final installment, Episode Seven: Adirol, will play December 6-8 @ The Flea.

 —

SIGOURNEY WEAVER

MARISA TOMEI

JIM SIMPSON

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN

VOICEOVER

(with American accent) Mesdames et Messieurs, au début de 2003, Marché aux puces, directeur artistique Jim Simpson a fait une série d’entretiens avec NPR à propos de ses expériences largement relatés avec des narcotiques dans ses premiers jours. Ce qui suit est une reproduction d’un de ces entretiens. (with French accent) Ladies and gentlemen, in early 2003, Flea Artistic Director Jim Simpson did a series of interviews with NPR about his widely chronicled experiments with narcotics in his early days. The following is a recreation of one of those interviews.

 

Marisa Tomei filing her nails.

Sigourney watches out the window.

 

MARISA

Sigourney don’t worry.

 

SIGOURNEY

Did you hear from them?

 

MARISA

They’re on their way in a cab.

 

SIGOURNEY

Seven minutes.

MARISA

Oh God you and I are gonna end up kissing each other.

 

SIGOURNEY

Hope you brushed your teeth.

 

MARISA
Yeah and I flossed too, see?

 

SIGOURNEY

Yes, Marisa, you have perfect teeth.

 

MARISA

I brush three times daily.

 

SIGOURNEY

Whatever. Want some cocaine?

 

MARISA

We should wait for the boys.

SIGOURNEY

Fuck that.

 

MARISA

Yeah, I see your point.

 

SIGOURNEY

I’m not facing 1973 sober.

 

MARISA

I will start rolling this ten-dollar bill I seem to be holding into a money straw for our noses.

 

SIGOURNEY

You don’t have a small mirror, do you?

 

MARISA

No see because my hair’s so big?

 

SIGOURNEY

Uh huh.

 

MARISA

I only buy gigantic mirrors.

 

SIGOURNEY

I can use this Styx album.

 

MARISA

Only if you take the album out and play the last song on side B.

 

SIGOURNEY

I hate Styx but because I love you I will endure.

 

MARISA
“Aww and the academy award goes to Meryl.”

 

SIGOURNEY

Don’t – don’t say her name in front of me.

MUSIC: Styx, “Best Thing”

MARISA

Sorry.

 

SIGOURNEY

Dingo ate her fucking accent.

 

MARISA

Now now. This isn’t Yale.

 

SIGOURNEY

Five minutes.

 

MARISA

Better ski fast.

 

SIGOURNEY

You really like this song?

 

MARISA

It puts me in the mood.

 

A moment where

Marisa swings to the song and

Sigourney cuts up the coke.

This can take some time,

and should be sweet and nostalgic.

 

MARISA

Another fucking year.

 

SIGOURNEY

Yep.

 

MARISA

Seventy two bites dust.

 

SIGOURNEY

Got any resolutions?

 

MARISA

Break up with Walken.

 

SIGOURNEY

Wow you didn’t even pause for one moment.

 

MARISA

Walken’s funny. And I love it when he unnecessarily emphasizes gerunds. But …

 

SIGOURNEY

Oh I like him.

 

MARISA

You dated him.

 

SIGOURNEY

It was only three months.

 

MARISA

Did he give you herpes? (snorts cocaine)

 

SIGOURNEY

… No?

 

MARISA

He gave me herpes.

 

SIGOURNEY

God.

 

MARISA

Maybe I already had herpes.

 

SIGOURNEY

Okay.

 

MARISA

I probably gave him herpes.

 

SIGOURNEY

It’s really bad luck to say that out loud.

 

MARISA
What, herpes?

 

SIGOURNEY

It’s like bed bugs.

 

MARISA

Ew, don’t say bed bugs.

 

SIGOURNEY

Or S-T-R-E-E-P. Certain words conjure the devil. (snorts cocaine) Nostril two?

 

MARISA

Just to even them out.

 

SIGOURNEY

(presenting the straw ceremonially) Madam, your sceptre.

 

MARISA

Thank you my liege.

 

SIGOURNEY

You’re really pretty.

 

MARISA

Thanks.

 

SIGOURNEY

You’re the prettiest woman I know.

 

MARISA

Thank you. (snorts cocaine)

 

SIGOURNEY

You’re supposed to say as a woman I’m pretty.

 

MARISA

(sniffing) Hn? Oh fuck I was –

 

SIGOURNEY

– preoccupied –

 

MARISA

– no I was just feeling the sensation of liquid dripping down the inner wall of my throat.

 

SIGOURNEY

It’s good, right?

 

MARISA
I can’t believe this stuff is legal.

 

SIGOURNEY

Har har.

 

MARISA

Where’d you get it?

 

SIGOURNEY

Jim.

 

MARISA
Ooh, your lover boy.

 

SIGOURNEY

Yeah, right. (snorts cocaine) He’s sleeping with other women.

 

MARISA

That’s the deal.

 

SIGOURNEY

What?

 

MARISA

Chris told me that’s the deal you and Jim have.

 

SIGOURNEY

Oh an “open relationship”?

 

MARISA

Yeah.

 

SIGOURNEY

You see me dating anyone else?

 

MARISA

Aside from Vibey the vibrator?

 

SIGOURNEY

Oh Vibey died.

 

MARISA
(tragic) Oh no.

 

SIGOURNEY

He burnt out his little motor.

 

MARISA

We should have a funeral.

 

SIGOURNEY

Oh that’s a really good idea.

 

MARISA

Yeah tomorrow New Years Day first thing we should put Vibey in a little shoebox and we can get Chris and Jim to dig a little hole and I can read a Tennyson poem.

 

SIGOURNEY

We’re not doing shit tomorrow. (snorts cocaine)

 

MARISA

Hey out of turn.

 

SIGOURNEY

We’re waking up at two, earliest.

 

MARISA

Ugh, I’m gonna have to fuck him. (snorts cocaine)

 

SIGOURNEY

It’s the New Year.

 

MARISA

Fucking your boyfriend on New Year’s is like getting a sweater for Christmas.

 

SIGOURNEY

Oh Jim’s not my boyfriend.

 

MARISA

Sorry, your man friend.

 

SIGOURNEY

My romantic male partner who can’t seem to make up his fucking mind.

 

MARISA

Time.

 

SIGOURNEY

Huh?

 

MARISA

Use time.

 

SIGOURNEY

Use … time.

 

MARISA

Time is the best way to snag a guy like a man makes a decision like a slow-motion explosion especially guys like Jim guys smart guys in their heads who need to be coaxed out of their fear corner like a puppy from a dog house?

 

SIGOURNEY

(realizing) Gentle.

 

MARISA

“Come here little guy.”

 

SIGOURNEY

“Come here little sweetie.”

 

MARISA

“I just want to pet you come to mommy.”

 

SIGOURNEY

“Mama wants to pet you so be nice to mommy.”

 

MARISA

“Momma’s gonna treat you right little pupster.”

 

SIGOURNEY

“Little sweetums.”

 

MARISA

“My sweet little snoogums.”

 

JIM

What are you guys doing?

Jim and Chris have entered.

 

MARISA

“Ooh look Siggy look it’s our little guy Jim.”

 

SIGOURNEY

“And his little friend Chris.”

 

CHRIS

Hey.

 

JIM

Yeah our taxi got held up on Broadway.

 

SIGOURNEY

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are; one equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

 

CHRIS

Jim, Sigourney’s really fucking high.

 

JIM

So’s your girlfriend.

 

MARISA

(has been air drumming in a corner to Styx)

 

CHRIS

It’s a toss up.

 

JIM

I’m sorry but your girlfriend is obviously much higher than my girlfriend.

 

CHRIS

Oh God, twenty seconds.

 

SIGOURNEY

Wait say that last sentence?                                            

 

MARISA

“Your girlfriend is much higher than my girlfriend.”

 

JIM

Well she is.

 

MARISA

“My girlfriend …”

 

CHRIS

Babe, your lipstick.

 

MARISA

I like it smeary.

 

JIM

Ten seconds.

 

CHRIS & JIM

Nine. Eight.

 

MARISA & CHRIS & JIM

Seven. Six.

 

SIGOURNEY & MARISA & CHRIS & JIM

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

 

Sigourney kisses Jim ravenously.

Chris kisses Marisa.

After five seconds, Marisa starts coughing.

 

CHRIS

Babe. Wow. Coughing. Okay. Water? Glass. Kitchen. Hallway.

 

Chris leads Marisa off.

Sigourney kisses and kisses and kisses her boyfriend.

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