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THE TRUE DRUG STORIES OF JIM SIMPSON #3: Psilocybin Mushrooms

In News, Plays, Schedule on October 3, 2012 at 5:08 PM

The following text was performed at The Flea Theater, September 27-29, as part of Serials, an episodic late night theatre event where the top three (of five) serialized stage plays return the following week. Episode Four: MDMA will play October 4-6 @ The Flea.

Jim Simpson

Sigourney Weaver

Bill Murray

Rick Moranis

CASHIER/HIKER/RAM

 —

note: lines that appear like

Ywah.     Whoa.     Not cool.

are spoken at the exact same time.

PRE-RECORDED VOICEOVER: Mesdames et Messieurs, au début de 2003, Marché aux puces, directeur artistique Jim Simpson a fait une série d’entretiens avec NPR à propos de ses expériences largement relatés avec des narcotiques dans ses premiers jours. Ce qui suit est une reproduction d’un de ces entretiens. Ladies and gentlemen, in early 2003, Flea Artistic Director Jim Simpson did a series of interviews with NPR about his widely chronicled experiments with narcotics in his early days. The following is a recreation of one of those interviews.

It was my bachelor party.

It was me Bill and Rick.

Ramis couldn’t make it.

We’d rented a VW Bug convertible.

Bill rented it on his card.

Bill also said

I’ve brought three handfuls of psilocybin mushrooms.

To which Rick replied

Oh I’ve heard of those you know they use them in ancient Mayan rituals you know the ones where they freak out and see god at least that’s what I read in a book somewhere and why do you have those Bill?

We’re gonna dose Jim.

What?

It’s his last night a free man.

We each swallowed a handful.

Where we going?

Joshua Tree.

Oh you mean the secluded desert park located just two hours from Los Angeles that features a rare collection of flora and fauna from the desert?

Yeah not that fuckin album.

I stepped on the gas.

I could already feel the mushrooms taking effect.

The swirl in your stomach.

The bile in the back of your throat hot with the garbage after-stench of the swallowed fungus.

Your eyesight starts to double.

The images that appear in your head begin to make manifest in the corporeal world.

Pterodactyl.

Stegasaurus.

Pterodactyl.

Was that a cop?

Stegasaurus.

Was that car back there was that a cop did we just pass a cop?

Pterodactyl.

Stegasaurus.

Guys it was not – come on, it wasn’t a dinosaur. Was it?

The problem is, the mind experiencing the adverse effects of psychoactive indole alkaloidsis highly succeptible to the psychic and metaphysical suggestions of other beings experiencing the same chemical reaction.

Maybe it was a dinosaur.

It’s kind of like we’re of one mind.

Guys we just saw a dinosaur!

HELLO.

Ywah.     Whoa.     Not cool.

FOURTEEN SHAKES AND A COKE.

What is she saying?

She’s talking to us.

Don’t worry guys.

It’s not a person.

It’s just a voice.

FOURTEEN SHAKES AND A COKE.

Why does she keep saying that?

I think it wants something.

What does it want?

FOURTEEN SHAKES AND A COKE.

Guys it wants fourteen shakes and a coke.

Come on guys pull up.

Pull up what?

Second window.

What do we pull?

Rookies.

I HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO WALK OUT FROM MY WINDOW AT THIS FAST FOOD RESTAURANT TO PERSONALLY HAND YOU YOUR ORDER OF FOURTEEN STRAWBERRY SHAKES AND A DIET CAFFEINE FREE COKE.

Hey thanks.

PLEASE PAY ME SEVENTEEN DOLLARS AND TWENTY THREE CENTS SO I MAY GO BACK TO WORK AND WALK OUT OF YOUR LIVES FOREVER.

Keep the change.

THIS IS A TEN.

Are we there yet?

Uh.

Yeah.

We’re there.

I don’t remember –

Getting here.

Wow this is a really pretty desert I mean I guess we’re just in the parking lot Man we are really in the middle of nowhere with no one else around and desert stretching in all directions as far as the eye can see and oh look guys a trail leading into some hills you want to walk up this hill with me?

Yes we will walk with you.     Yes we will walk with you.

Oh cool look at all these rocks you seeing these rocks guys lining this trail as we continue to march through the desert hills on our way somewhere and the sun Man the sun is so beautiful and look is that an oasis guys is that an oasis?

That is an oasis.     That is an oasis.

Wow I’m so glad you agree with me look at all these palm trees can you really believe this is happening and all these little ponds with dragonflies in the middle of the desert drinking the pond water and here’s a really flat rock I’m going to lie down on for five hours.

We will lie down as well.     We will lie down as well.

HELLO THERE.

Hello.

NICE DAY FOR A HIKE.

Y- Yeah.

THOSE YOUR OTHER TWO FRIENDS LYING ON THOSE FLAT ROCKS?

T-Rex.

Uh huh.

YOU LIVE IN THE AREA?

No.

WHERE YOU FROM THEN?

Asia?

OH LONG WAY.

We flew here.

YOU ENJOYING THE OASIS?

Did you come from the restaurant?

WHAT?

Your shift ended and you hiked out here because of something we did?

NO I’M NOT SURE WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.

Oh fuck you’re a goat.

BAA!

You’re a fuckin ram guys there’s a ram pretending to be a hiker pretenting to be a fast food worker guys look look Rick Rick where’s Bill?

I just figured out my entire relationship with my parents.

Where’s Bill Rick?

And I STIIIIIILL haven’t FOOOOUND what I’m looking FOOOOR!

Oh God he’s standing with his arms outstretched on the top of that rocky precipice.

And now he’s jumping from rock to rock down the side of that rocky precipice.

And now he’s climbing another rocky precipice.

And now he’s standing with his arms outstretched on top of another rocky precipice.

And I STIIIIIILL haven’t FOOOOUND what I’m looking FOOOOR!

Bill get down from that rocky precipe!

Hey.

Shit.     Whoa.

How’d you get here so fast from such a far distance?

Teleportation.

Did you find what you were looking for?

Still haven’t found it.

You will.

I know.

You will.

I know.

You will.

I know.

You will.

I know.

Guys.

What?     James.

The ram.    James.

What jam?   James James.

Shut up James.

Yeah my name’s Bill.

Look guys a ram.

And up on a rocky precipice, the ram stood looking at us.

Observing us.

Watching our every move.

The black outline of his horns cut blue against the darkening dusk.

Dusk?

Did he say dusk?

Did who say dusk?

Did I say dusk?

Oh fuck, dusk!

Guys we need to get back.

The sun was setting.

Guys we’re gonna get stuck out here in the dusk I mean the desert.

Come on let’s go.

But it was getting darker.

Come on guys we gotta find the trail.

But in the gathering darkness they could not find the trail from the rocks.

James will you shut the fuck up!

Chill out guys nothing’s gonna happen.

Nothing’s gonna happen we’re in the desert and it’s getting cold and there’s wolves and snakes and we’re gonna end up spooning each other for warmth next to same cactus and Fuck You I’m sober now, I’m so afraid I’m sober, thanks a lot!

I’m getting married tomorrow.

Tomorrow I’m marrying my wife.

Let’s wait here until something happens.

No let’s keep walking.

Bill will you please catch up.

Man everything’s cool.

No man it’s not cool Jim’s getting married.

You said it.

Said what?

“It’s not cool Jim’s getting married.”

What was that, Bill?

You’re abandoning us.

Whoa.

Bill.

Look man I just read your thoughts and you’re not happy you’re getting married.

Fuck you, man.

I’m just telling you the truth you already know.

Okay guys let’s not do this.

You think we’re gonna be doing this in a year?

He’s letting us go, Rick.

This is a sunset we mistook for a sunrise.

Now it’s totally dark.

What do we do?

I don’t want to die out here.

There’s a light.

Fuck you James there’s no light.

I’m not lying.

Yeah I see it.

See?

Maybe it’s the ram?

It was Sigourney.

It was my wife.

She had come to save us.

She was here to rescue us.

Baby.

Shut up.

Baby.

So help me Bill if you say one more word I will take your head off and fuck you with it.

And for once Bill did not have anything to say in return.

How did you find us?

You left a voicemail.

“Baby … baby I finally got a bar … baby we’re lost in the dark and we’re gonna die before we make it to the wedding I’m so sorry and all I can think about is your skin God I love your skin and I want to touch your skin and I want to build a house on your skin and start a progressive agrarian society of Sigourney skin dwellers. I love you I love you so much—”

That’s really sweet.

Get in the car.

Sorry.

Nice to see you, Rick.

Yeah you too.

This is your fault, asshole.

Can I speak?

I don’t care what you do.

I’m really sorry.

You’re right.

I’m to blame.

No Bill.

I’m a grown man.

I should know what I’m doing.

Jim we’ll talk about this later.

Hey look that ram’s still watching us from the edge of that bluff as we drive away.

Everyone please shut up and let’s not say anything for the entire ride.

Yeah.     Good idea.

Can we listen to the radio?

Sure.

Sigourney switches on the radio.

Opening strains of U2’s “Still Haven’t

Found What I’m Looking For”

After a long moment,

to no one in particular: 

Fuck you.

Lights slowly fade.

Music swells.

Black.

The above text was originally directed by Stella Powell-Jones and featured:

Jim Simpson – Grant Harrison

Sigourney Weaver/Cashier/Hiker/Ram – Jenelle Chu

Bill Murray – Ivano Pulito

Rick Moranis – Kevin Green

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