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Archive for February, 2010|Monthly archive page

“Radioplay” @ Redhouse, March 5 & 6 @ 8:00p

In News, Schedule on February 27, 2010 at 5:46 PM

My collaboration with Reggie Watts, RADIOPLAY travels to Syracuse’s Redhouse for two nights!

Modeled after radio programs of yesteryear, RADIOPLAY gathers a group of actors, musicians and sound-effects artists to create a surreal sonic entertainment. Songs, stories and soundscapes collide in a comedic mash-up of non-temporal quasi-political pop-cultural tropes. Performed in the dark!

If you happen to be up North, check it out here.

“Thirty Story Masterpieces” plays at +30NYC, March 4-21

In Plays on February 27, 2010 at 4:37 PM

Short plays about the possible distopia of 2040 New York City, Red Fern’s “+30NYC” plays at Center Stage, March 4-21.

Featuring my play “Thirty Story Masterpieces,” directed by the formidable Jessi Hill and featuring Corinna May and Brian Robert Burns.

you can find out all about it by clicking here.

“Thirty Story Masterpieces” (Short Play)

In Plays on February 27, 2010 at 4:21 PM

Thirty Story Masterpieces

by Tommy Smith

Contact:
Corinne Hayoun | CAA
162 Fifth Avenue, 6th Fl
New York, NY 10010
(212) 277-9000
chayoun@caa.com

Originally produced at Red Fern’s “+30NYC” at Center Stage.  Jessi D. Hill, director.  Corinna May (Woman); Brian Robert Burns (Young Man).

All right reserved.  Professional and amateurs are hereby notified that this material is subjected to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of United States of America and all countries covered by the International Copyright Union.  All rights, including, but not limited to, professional, amateur stage rights, television, video or sound recording, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio and television broadcasting, and the rights of translation into foreign language, are strictly reserved.  All inquiries regarding performance rights for this play should be addressed to the author’s agent.

A high-rise apartment at E 70th and 3rd Avenue, Manhattan.

Sunset.

Some elegant electronic music* plays throughout the scene.

A young man.

An attractive older woman speaks to him:

W:  I’m going to make myself a martini.

YM:  Cool.

W:  You want a martini?

YM:  No thanks.

W:  It’s early enough.  It’s early enough for a martini.  I don’t usually have one this early.  Sometime you have to.  Sometimes it’s early enough for a martini.  I bought myself this shaker, you like this shaker?

YM:  Yeah.

W:  Shiny.  Silver.  Shaker.  Do you like this?

YM:  Mmm?

W:  Is the music okay?

YM:  Yeah fine.

W:  I do like the classics.

YM:  Nice home.

W:  I do like this apartment.  I ended up looking at a lot of apartments and decided on this one.

YM:  It’s nice.

W:  They showed me some apartments downtown.  Too small.  I need a doorman.  I like a doorman.  Did you give him your name?

YM:  Yes.

W:  Next time give a different name.

YM:  Okay.

W:  Not your real name.  He probably thinks you’re my boyfriend.  He probably thinks we’re lovers.  That’s funny.  That would be funny.  I commissioned this painting, you know.

YM:  Ooh.

W:  I met with the painter.  I sat for the painter.  We fought a little.  I wanted it to look a certain way but I suppose sometimes you have to acquiesce to the artistic imagination.  Cigarette?

YM:  Yeah, sure.

W:  You smoke?

YM:  Yeah, sometimes.

W:  What would your mother say?

W:  I’m kidding, go ahead.

YM:  Thanks.

W:  When I was your age they tried to outlaw these you know?

YM:  Oh yeah?

W:  Yes they – let me light that – they started banning smoking indoors until they needed the tax money.  What’s your brand?

YM:  I don’t know.

W:  You don’t have a brand.

YM:  I don’t smoke enough.

W:  No, you take care of yourself, don’t you?

YM:  Yes, ma’am.

W:  I’ve been going to the gym.  There’s a gym on the basement floor.  I use the machines.  When I was younger I was a championship cross trainer.  When I was your age.  You weren’t even born.  Were you born by then?  Don’t answer.  I don’t want to know the answer to that.  We’re strangers really.  You smoke with a stranger but you don’t give him your car keys.  Here.  Ashtray.

YM:  Thank you.

W:  I’m going to order food.  Would you like any food?

YM:  No thanks.

W:  It’s on me.

YM:  What kind of food?

W:  Have you ever had fish?

YM:  No.

W:  Let’s order fish.

YM:  I think that’s really expensive.

W:  I can afford it.

YM:  That’s really generous.

W:  It’s not every day I get a visit from someone like you.  There’s a clean river in Canada they get these from. (on speaker)  Two slices of salmon and boiled potatoes.  (to Young Man)  This won’t spoil your dinner will it?  Your wife won’t be upset?

YM:  I don’t mind eating twice.

W:  What do you usually have?

YM:  For what dinner?

W:  Yes.

YM:  Fake something.  I’ve had a lot of fake potatoes are these real ones?

W:  Mmm hmn.

YM:  Yeah I’m really excited.

W:  Then have a drink with me.

YM:  Sure yeah whatever.

W:  There’s a man. (makes drink)  So where do you live?

YM:  In the compounds below Canal.

W:  With your wife.

YM:  Yes.

W:  How’s the air quality?

YM:  It was pretty bad til they replaced the filters last year.

W:  This building has its own purifier.

YM:  We’re having a baby soon.

W:  Yes your mother told me.

YM:  My wife’s really worried.

W:  What about?

YM:  Money and like, life in general.  Being alive.

W:  Drink.

YM:  Thank you.  So … just you here?

W:  Yep.  My husband had the money but he pfft!

YM:  And my mom and you are friends from like … ?

W:  When we were younger.

YM:  Before I was born.

W:  No I was around the first couple years.  Your mother and me at the same college where she met your father?  You were two when I moved away.  Right before the earthquakes.

YM:  Uh huh.  I like your shades.

W:  Yes they keep out the sun.

W:  Did that make you uncomfortable?

YM:  No.

W:  Me talking about your mother.

YM:  No.

W:  What are you looking at?

YM:  Just … buildings.

W:  Yes I like only looking at buildings and sky.  I sometimes imagine its 1940.  A lot of these buildings were here then.  There weren’t these Chinese skyscrapers everywhere I mean look at that one.  A glowing red pagoda at the top?  That’s not even Chinese.  But the smaller buildings, you see the ones about twenty stories down? These Thirty Story Masterpieces?  Imagine living when it was just those. They must have seemed huge but now they’re like cottages.  I could throw my garbage on them if my windows opened.

YM:  You can’t even see the street from here.

W:  Yes isn’t it wonderful?

W:  Have you been out there?

YM:  Mmm?

W:  Have you been outside?

YM:  Yes I go outside sometimes.

W:  Why?

YM:  Just to see what its like.

W:  Isn’t that bad for you?

YM:  You can go out for two or three hours and they say its fine.

W:  You’ve been reading different newspapers than me.  I haven’t been outside in God I can’t remember when.

YM:  It’s the same.  The trees have started dying but not like, they’re still there and everything but they’re all brown.

W:  Are you scared?

YM:  No.

W:  No Jesus I’m paralyzed by the whole thing.

YM:  Still have to live my life I guess.

W:  Well cheers to that.  I mean my windows are sealed.  I have UV protection from the sun.  Yesterday I sat here and watched a flock of birds arch over that building.  Fifty birds moving just folding into themselves at once.  You beat that on your fucking touchscreen youth.  You have really nice eyes.

YM:  Thank you.

YM:  Why did my mom want me to see you?

W:  Isn’t it clear?

YM:  Yeah I mean I sort of understand.

W:  Well we don’t need to talk about it.  How are things with your wife?

YM:  We’re getting along I guess.

W:  You could be doing a little better though.

YM:  Well yes everyone is having a very difficult time being alive right now.

W:  I’m somewhat spared of that burden.

YM:  Yeah?

W:  Yes I don’t have same problems as everyone else.  This puts me in a unique position as a human being.  I have to decide how to position my philanthropy.  Most days I get pretty drunk thinking about it.

W:  Do you want to go to the bedroom now?

YM:  Yeah.

W:  Good well there’s a card here for you.

YM:  Thank you.

W:  I’ll always put the money in the card.  The card is a gift to you.  It’s nothing else.  Just a gift if anyone asks.

YM:  Okay.

W:  Five thousand credits and a transport pass to zone six.

YM:  Sounds fair.

W:  This will help raise that family your wife wants.

She brings him close.

W:  You kind of look like your father.  You’re really sweet and I really like you.

A knock on the door.

W:  That’s for us.

lights

* Aphex Twin, “Tha”

“STRIP” (SHORT PLAY)

In Plays on February 17, 2010 at 3:51 PM

STRIP

By Tommy Smith

Contact:
Corinne Hayoun | CAA
162 Fifth Avenue, 6th Fl
New York, NY 10010
(212) 277-9000
chayoun@caa.com

REED, forties

BETH, twenties

TENDER, thirties

for sticky

Originally produced at the Bowery Poetry Club, Feb. 2010.  Commissioned by Blue Box Productions for Sticky.  REED: Brian McRobbie; BETH: Beth Hoyt.

All right reserved.  Professional and amateurs are hereby notified that this material is subjected to a royalty.  It is fully protected under the copyright laws of United States of America and all countries covered by the International Copyright Union.  All rights, including, but not limited to, professional, amateur stage rights, television, video or sound recording, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio and television broadcasting, and the rights of translation into foreign language, are strictly reserved.  All inquiries regarding performance rights for this play should be addressed to the author’s agent.

REED

Hey.

BETH

Hey.

REED

Hey I’ll just have a seat.

BETH

Yeah.

REED

Okay.  Okay.  Thanks for, yeah.

BETH

Yeah.

REED

Meeting me.

BETH

No problem.

REED

Haven’t seen you in a little.  I mean, like this.  In the light of day and not –

BETH

Not at my work.

REED

Yeah at the place where I saw you –

BETH

It’s my job, I didn’t expect you to come in –

REED

No, no, you’re totally right.

BETH

You and mom live in the suburbs, I mean I think they have some near our house don’t they?

REED

I can’t go to the ones near the house.

BETH

Why not?

REED

Your mother saw the car.

BETH

Really?

REED

Yeah she saw it parked outside.

BETH

Mom’s crafty.

REED

Yeah, she’s the fucking devil.

BETH

Where is she now?  Where does she think you are now?

REED

Your mother is at a movie with her friends.

BETH

Mom has friends?

REED

She made friends with some other women.

BETH

Yeah?

REED

Yeah apparently I’m not entertaining enough anymore that she needs friends.

BETH

What are they seeing?

REED

Something with that British guy.

BETH

I like that guy.

REED

Some romantic story.

BETH

REED

You just didn’t tell me you did that I mean we haven’t been in touch very much these last few months –

BETH

No, no, I hear you.

REED

I just didn’t know.

BETH

Yeah.

REED

I wouldn’t have had my pants down if I knew it was you.

BETH

REED

So um, how’s the apartment?

BETH

Oh good.

REED

Yeah do you still have that roommate?

BETH

No she smelled like rice.

REED

Okay.

BETH

Yeah she just smelled like rice all the time so I decided to throw her out.

REED

Really?

BETH

Yeah it was really bad.

REED

Who lives with you now?

BETH

Nobody does.

REED

Jeez isn’t that expensive?

BETH

No I can afford it now.

REED

Right.

BETH

My new job pays okay.

REED

Your job.

BETH

Yeah.

REED

See I thought you were working at that theatre.

BETH

No I quit that.

REED

Why?

BETH

It was just an internship.

REED

Oh.

BETH

So the theatre didn’t give me a salary or anything.  Apparently it happens all the time but its really just slave labor.  I guess I was getting experience but, you know, hard to pay bills with experience.  And they would have us read all these awful plays but then every now and then there would be a good one and we would be like, do this one.  But then they always did some black play.

REED

What’s that?

BETH

Like a play about black people’s history in this like uplifting context.

REED

I think that’s great for the morale of the black community.

BETH

Yeah well it didn’t pay anything so …

REED

BETH

Stripping.

REED

Yeah.

BETH

I didn’t even know you liked that.

REED

I don’t, I don’t like it.

BETH

Well I mean you seemed –

REED

Seemed.

BETH

– seemed to like it.

REED

Yes I’m really sorry for that.

BETH

I guess its natural but I never guessed I’d be seeing your –

REED

Yeah.

BETH

boner anytime soon.

REED

Yeah please don’t call it that.

BETH

What do we call it?

REED

Let’s just not talk about it.

BETH

REED

It actually makes me sick.

BETH

Why?

REED

I mean the kind of thoughts I was having before –

BETH

“Is that you, Daddy?

REED

Yeah.  That moment.  Forever etched.

BETH

It wasn’t your fault.

REED

Yeah.

BETH

It didn’t look like me.

REED

No.

BETH

I was in a wig.  And I mean how do you know how I look? When I’m like that.  When I’m naked like that.

REED

I’m really embarrassed honey.

BETH

No come on let’s not do it like that.

REED

I was just mortified.

BETH

I guess I never thought of you as someone who likes that kind of the thing cause –

REED

I’m your dad.

BETH

you’re my dad, yes, but it wasn’t … I don’t feel wrong.

REED

I’ll never be able to listen to that song again.

BETH

Shot Through The Heart?

REED

I’ll never be able to listen to Shot Through The Heart without thinking of your naked body.

BETH

You know I like you, dad.

REED

Huh?

BETH

I like you.

REED

I know.

BETH

Mom and I don’t get along but I like you very much.

REED

Sure.

BETH

I’m still your girl.

REED

BETH

I feel like a drink.  Do you want a drink, dad?

REED

No, I still have to drive back.

BETH

Well I don’t have to drive anywhere so have a drink with me.

REED

I suppose, okay, maybe one.

BETH

Hey guy?

TENDER

Yeah?

BETH

What’s your darkest beer?

TENDER

(says whatever it is)

BETH

Can I get one for me and one for my dad and if you have any beer nuts or snacks?

TENDER

(says whatever they have)

BETH

Im’na take a piss.

REED

Okay.

BETH

Can you pay for these?

REED

Sure.

She leaves.

Tender gives beer.

TENDER

(says amount)

REED

(giving money) Thanks.

TENDER

Did I hear that right?

REED

What?

TENDER

You beat off to a stripper who was actually your daughter.

REED

Yeah.

TENDER

I mean you may want to have quieter conversations if you’re going to do that in public.

REED

Oh, sorry.

TENDER

Yeah there’s other people in the bar.

REED

TENDER

So how was she?

REED

Hmn?

TENDER

Was she … ?

REED

TENDER

Your daughter.

REED

Yeah.

TENDER

I mean was she … ?

REED

Yeah.

TENDER

Yeah?

REED

I mean, yeah.

TENDER

Huh.

REED

Like her mom.

TENDER

No shit.

REED

Better.

TENDER

Did you … ?

REED

Hmn?

TENDER

Did you see her … ?

REED

Yeah.

TENDER

Man.

REED

Like Japanese peaches.

TENDER

And you didn’t … you didn’t know it was her?

REED

Sort of.

TENDER

Yeah?

REED

I mean, this is really fucked up, but I saw her photo in the window.  I was just going to see how she was doing.  We don’t see her much because there were complications with her teenage years and she started blaming her mom and me for some things that she invented.  So we don’t see her much.  And then there she was.  She was right in front of me in the booth.  She had a green wig on.  I’ve never seen her body but my God.  And it was just me and her in this dark space.  My hand is working something in my pocket.  She asks me What I Want Tiger then I see her eyes.  She has my eyes.

Reed drinks almost entire beer.

REED

Fuck.

TENDER

You mind if I put on some music?

REED

No, go ahead.

Tender puts on slow romantic music.

Cell rings.

Reed answers.

REED

Hey miss.

How was it?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Well look I’m still in the city.

Yeah I’m leaving now.

I saw a movie too.

The one with the angry guy who gets bigger.

Beth comes back in.

REED

It was all right.

Okay well about an hour?

All right.

Bye.

BETH

Mother unit.

REED

Yeah, I should really –

BETH

She awaits.

REED

I paid for the beers.

BETH

Cheers me at least.

REED

Oh.  Okay.

BETH

What do we cheers to?

REED

I don’t know.

BETH

Can’t we just cheers?

REED

Yeah I guess.

BETH

We don’t have to commemorate something.

REED

It doesn’t have to mean anything.

They raise their glasses.

BETH

Cheers, daddy.

REED

Cheers.

End of Play.

“STRIP” at Bowery Poetry Club, Feb. 19 @ 7:00p

In News, Plays, Schedule on February 9, 2010 at 7:59 PM

A short play about a man who accidentally masturbates to a stripper who turns out to be his daughter, STRIP plays at Sticky (the plays-in-a-bar event at Bowery Poetry Club) one night only.  Featuring Peter McRobbie and Beth Hoyt.  Performed in an actual bar!

Have a drink with us here.

“RADIOPLAY” at IRT Theater, Feb. 18-20 @ 8:30p

In News, Schedule on February 9, 2010 at 7:41 PM

My collaboration with Reggie Watts, RADIOPLAY returns to New York for three nights at IRT Theater!

Modeled after radio programs of yesteryear, RADIOPLAY gathers a group of actors, musicians and sound-effects artists to create a surreal sonic entertainment. Songs, stories and soundscapes collide in a comedic mash-up of non-temporal quasi-political pop-cultural tropes. Performed in the dark!

Get your tickets here.

“DISINFORMATION” at ICA in Boston, Feb. 13 @ 7:00p & 9:30p

In News, Schedule on February 9, 2010 at 7:19 PM

Come see the last-ever performance of the end-of-the-world extravaganza DISINFORMATION in Boston at the beautiful Institute of Contemporary Art in Boston.

Get your tickets here.

(See the late show for added shenanigans!)