The following text was performed at The Flea Theater, September 20-22, as part of Serials, an episodic late night theatre event where the top three (of five) serialized stage plays return the following week. Episode Three: Mushrooms will play September 27-29 @ The Flea.
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Mind the / for overlaps.
Whenever the actors are not on stage, they sit in chairs just offstage.
Whenever actor playing Bill Murray sits offstage, he reads The Hobbit.
The actress playing Almost Inaudible Voice never gets up from the chair and speaks all her lines into a microphone, faced away from the audience.
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In darkness:
PRE-RECORDED VOICEOVER
(with American accent) Mesdames et Messieurs, au début de 2003, Marché aux puces, directeur artistique Jim Simpson a fait une série d’entretiens avec NPR à propos de ses expériences largement relatés avec des narcotiques dans ses premiers jours. Ce qui suit est une reproduction d’un de ces entretiens. (with French accent) Ladies and gentlemen, in early 2003, Flea Artistic Director Jim Simpson did a series of interviews with NPR about his widely chronicled experiments with narcotics in his early days. The following is a recreation of one of those interviews.
Lights.
Jim Simpson sitting on a couch playing a video game.
Bill Murray sits to one side.
BILL
They have us on stage the whole time.
JIM
Such as?
BILL
All the actors instead of going offstage sit in chairs to the side of the stage.
JIM
How’s that for ya?
BILL
Meh. I’m halfway through The Hobbit.
SIG
Jim Oh hey Bill.
BILL
Siggy.
SIG
No.
BILL
Sigurd.
SIG
Not that either.
JIM
She doesn’t / like nicknames.
SIG
I don’t like nicknames you jackass.
BILL
(acting a lot like Bill Murray from Ghostbusters) Oh but baby my feelings —
SIG
(stopping Bill’s face with a palm) Jim are you coming to bed?
JIM
After this level.
SIG
You’ve got work tomorrow.
JIM
Carol said she’d cover.
SIG
(leaving) Night Bill.
BILL
Sigmund.
JIM
So you got a matinee tomorrow?
BILL
Hey look at my hand?
JIM
What is it?
BILL
Dextromethorphan.
JIM
And what’s that?
BILL
It’s the active ingredient in cough syrup crushed into pill form.
JIM
What’s it do?
A shift.
SIG
Huh?
JIM
What?
SIG
You asked me What does it do?
JIM
What does what do?
SIG
I made you a hot water bottle for your pillow.
JIM
You are such a nice lady.
SIG
Where’s Bill?
JIM
Can I touch your arms?
SIG
Hmn?
JIM
Just really quickly I want to touch your arms.
A shift.
DELIVERY GIRL
Sir?
JIM
Yeah?
DELIVERY GIRL
You may not touch my arms.
JIM
Oh.
DELIVERY GIRL
Eighteen fifty two.
JIM
The … year?
DELIVERY GIRL
Like the price of a single delivery of phad kee mao with five sides of sticky rice.
JIM
You’re really pretty.
DELIVERY GIRL
Oh man.
JIM
I really like your costume.
DELIVERY GIRL
Yeah these are just my clothes.
JIM
So what happens now?
DELIVERY GIRL
You give me twenty dollars.
JIM
It appears my hand is already doing that.
A shift.
BILL
Is that my rice?
JIM
Bill when did you get back to the inside parts of the house.
BILL
I have been hiding in the shower the entire time.
JIM
Bill I feel really good but also at the same time sort of like it’s always going to be like this.
BILL
It’s always going to be like this.
JIM
Watch me pick up this table. (he does.) I am carrying a seventy-five pound oak table over my head.
BILL
We live in really great age.
JIM
I’m really glad I’m alive and like a human being, you know?
BILL
If we try really hard we can make the phone ring.
They turn to the phone and stare at it.
Jim continues to hold the table in the exact same position over his head.
A really long time passes.
Longer than you think.
Then a little longer.
Sigourney walks in and picks up the phone.
JIM
no / GOD –
BILL
No NO!
JIM
Fuck, oh fuck.
BILL
Why did you do that?
SIG
(already talking on other line as she exits) No hi Meryl … Yeah can you help me with this song? … No I’m on cordless.
BILL
I have an idea.
JIM
We are suddenly at a fence.
BILL
Look at this view.
JIM
We are suddenly at the top of an unconstructed condo.
BILL
Fuck I think I cut my hand on that glass.
JIM
And now we are back at home.
BILL
Let’s make some rice.
JIM
I think I should probably sit down for a moment.
ALMOST INAUDIBLE VOICE
hey
JIM
Hh … hey.
ALMOST INAUDIBLE VOICE
hi.
JIM
Hi.
ALMOST INAUDIBLE VOICE
Hey.
JIM
Yeah uh, “hey.”
ALMOST INAUDIBLE VOICE
hi.
JIM
Okay.
ALMOST INAUDIBLE VOICE
do you know where i am?
JIM
Nuh – no.
ALMOST INAUDIBLE VOICE
Look in your stomaaach.
JIM
Uh – kay?
ALMOST INAUDIBLE VOICE
Look in your stomaaach.
BILL
The rice is done.
JIM
What time is it?
BILL
I think it’s like I’m not wearing a watch but I think it’s like midnight?
JIM
It’s eleven thirty in the morning.
BILL
Want a bowl?
JIM
(calm) Your hand’s really bleeding all over the fuckin place.
BILL
(calm) Yeah …
SIG
Morning Bill.
BILL
Here’s a coffee.
SIG
Where’d you get this?
BILL
(truthfully) I don’t know.
SIG
Wanna hear my song?
JIM
Your song?
SIG
A song for my audition today that I was practicing all night instead of lying down next to you, my breath hot on your neck.
BILL
I should really head to my matinee.
SIG
Goodbye Bill.
BILL
(leaving) Sigfried.
JIM
I’m sorry.
SIG
Shut up.
JIM
Shut up.
SIG
Sit.
JIM
Sitting.
SIG
Song.
JIM
Song.
If Bill or someone else can accompany with live guitar, great; otherwise a capella. She ends the song on his lap.
SIG:
Flying
I’m flying
Hitting heavens high
I’m head on brake too low
Floating
I’m floating
Hanging below the sea
I’m telling you look at me
Ecstasy
I’m in ecstasy
Singing
I’m singing
Sounding hanging breathe
I’m begging you look at me
Ecstasy
I’m in ecstasy
SIG
So?
JIM
Marry me.
SIG
What?
Lights.
–
The above text was originally directed by Stella Powell-Jones and featured:
Jim Simpson – Grant Harrison
Sigourney Weaver – Jenelle Chu
Bill Murray – Ivano Pulito
Delivery Girl – Teddi Millan
Almost Inaudible Voice – Glenna Grant
